My mom is 76 now, and she has lung cancer, stage IV. According to the fact sheet, the survival rate is 1% with median survival of 8 months. She first diagnosed with the cancer was about 2 years ago, just barely 7 months after my father passed away because of liver cancer. I was living in London that time, and my world shattered into pieces, and felt the depressed all the time. In the end, I came back to Singapore after being through so many difficulties due to the mental depression. So at home now I can touch her, talk to her face to face, see her smile everyday, and smile to her everyday. There is a price to pay for every decision made in life, and this time, I lost my girlfriend, because she was reluctant to move with me to Singapore.
I do not want to compare which woman is more important in life, because both of them are so important to me in my life, but, one of them is my mom, an old woman, and has terminal illness. I lost my father, and this time, I cannot afford to lose my mom just like I did for my father. This is the most difficult choice I have made in life, and in the end, I bear the name of man of selfishness. May be this is my karma, and I accept it to my heart.
So by living close to my mom, I am delighted to see her everyday, to see the change of her everyday, she has becoming much slimmer, and growing weaker each day, and that is why I need to document her, before she has finally answered to the call of the World, and say yes she will go. Every photo of her is a journey to my heart, and my photography has merged into philosophy, and becoming spiritual part of me.
Now my mom lives with two of my sisters, me, and my younger sister’s boyfriend, we give her our love everyday, so that she will keep ignoring the call of the World, and stay with us as long as she want. She is still able to walk, and smile, and I am just happy to have her each day by my side.
I always love you, my dearest mom.
12 Aug 2012, Singapore