The Portrait of My Mom

My mom is 76 now, and she has lung cancer, stage IV. According to the fact sheet, the survival rate is 1% with median survival of 8 months. She first diagnosed with the cancer was about 2 years ago, just barely 7 months after my father passed away because of liver cancer. I was living in London that time, and my world shattered into pieces, and felt the depressed all the time. In the end, I came back to Singapore after being through so many difficulties due to the mental depression. So at home now I can touch her, talk to her face to face, see her smile everyday, and smile to her everyday. There is a price to pay for every decision made in life, and this time, I lost my girlfriend, because she was reluctant to move with me to Singapore.

I do not want to compare which woman is more important in life, because both of them are so important to me in my life, but, one of them is my mom, an old woman, and has terminal illness. I lost my father, and this time, I cannot afford to lose my mom just like I did for my father. This is the most difficult choice I have made in life, and in the end, I bear the name of man of selfishness. May be this is my karma, and I accept it to my heart.

So by living close to my mom, I am delighted to see her everyday, to see the change of her everyday, she has becoming much slimmer, and growing weaker each day, and that is why I need to document her, before she has finally answered to the call of the World, and say yes she will go. Every photo of her is a journey to my heart, and my photography has merged into philosophy, and becoming spiritual part of me.

Now my mom lives with two of my sisters, me, and my younger sister’s boyfriend, we give her our love everyday, so that she will keep ignoring the call of the World, and stay with us as long as she want. She is still able to walk, and smile, and I am just happy to have her each day by my side.

I always love you, my dearest mom.

Kee Chua,
12 Aug 2012, Singapore




14 Responses

  1. A fitting tribute for your mother – I would have loved to spend more time with my mother before she died – enjoy her while you can 🙂

    • The old people face many problems, the freedom to go anyway reduced tremendously, the pain here and there come each day and at different parts of the body, but it is by taking care of these things show our ‘little’ love to our Mom =). Thank you!


  2. This is sad but loving and tender … take care,

    • I think that it is the darkest night that we see the stars in the sky, and in our heart. I am just simply glad that I am loving my mom in this period of her life. I have my lost, and I have my gained too, more in a spiritual way.

      Thank you Daniela, and Bless you too.


  3. she is lovely. its very sad that your girlfriend left you when you needed her most. thats truly sad.

    she might not be aware of the golden heart she lost, hope and pray she doesnot regrets her decision bitterly after its too late.

    really sad to know about your tragedies. cancer is a horrible disease, only AIDS is worse than this. I so wish that it had not happened to any of them,but life is sometimes too cruel.

    you did the right thing by moving in near your mother.

    god bless your noble, sweet heart.

    • I just read a quote:
      If a man loves his mother, he will always love his wife.

      and this is what I always think, I often think about getting old together, we are both out of shape, and I just feel that everything is so beautiful by getting old together.

      All my Indian friends are extremely optimistic, they told me, things happen for a good reason. God has his arrangement for me.

      I just simply love them.

      The day my father entered the hospital, I found the meaning of my life. It is (if there is a) God mercy to let me know its time for me to love my mom, and take care of her so that I would not regret. So, I never blame anyone. I cherish life for every little droplet of wisdom that I can pick up along the way.

      Thank you Sharmishtha, and many bless to you as well!


    • i believe that whatever happens to us we should gather the best from it and leave the rest.

      you have a huge heart, very huge, and no matter from which angle i see i believe you did the right thing by taking care of your mother. i dont want to judge her, but i feel sad for your girlfriend, i hope she comes back to you someday with the love you deserve.

      india is the land of phillosopher and i am very proud of that immense wealth that our forefathers have left for us. i myself have my roots dug deep in indian philosophy, thats why a devastating tornado could not uproot me.

      you may look for english translations of shreemadbhagwat geeta, somehow i think its phillosophy will touch your noble, beautiful, wise heart.

      • I will take every of your words to my heart. I wish that she will find her happiness too.

        I know the Geeta, the stories =), I will read them, and I am sure it has tremendous wisdom for me to cherish!

        with Love,

  4. “父母在,不远游”…despite losing your love, I think you’ve definitely made a right decision that you won’t have to regret for the rest of your life.

    Take care and be well! Cheers~ 😀

    • It has been a year already! I remember every happy moment in my life, I appreciated that I have given a chance to love without regret even I have lost them, both my mom and my ex. I am not alone now, as I have my sisters, I sincerely feel that I am just too lucky to have so many good things in life :).

      Just to share with you some of the photos I often look:

      • Great! Just experience them well with your heart and soul and life can be and will be a beautiful one for you and your loved ones.

        Thank you for sharing the link! 😀

        Have a lovely day ahead, always~ Cheers!! 😀

  5. Your mother is beautiful and so are you!

    • Thank you Cindy. It is very kind of you to say such nice things =). It was the most wonderful journey in my life to have lived with my mom, especially during the last part of her journey in life. I really appreciate everything has been given to me. This post was written just one month before she went into coma after her first chemotherapy treatment. She struggled without able to communicate for the next months, and I was the last one she saw before she gave up her last breath. Every time when I think of her, I cry and even when I am writing the reply now.

      I believe every soul has its beauty, and so are you. My following journey in life, is to find this beauty in everyone I meet. =)


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