Mother, 20 Sep 2012

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Mom is trapped inside her body.

Several weeks ago, my older sister Mona brought mom for chemotherapy. I did not like the idea, but I know my sister wants mom to stay with us for a little bit longer. Some months ago, one of my aunt also passed away due to the cancer. She had a chemotherapy too, and after that there was no return for the deteriorating of her health. My sister was confident that the same thing would not happen for mom. but it happened. I did not blame her, she is doing her best.

I came back from London, and Amsterdam last november, with the wish that I could stay with Mom for some more years to come. She still could walk and talk without any problem that time, but she has been taking a strong anti cancer pill for more than a year now. The side effects of the pill are drying of skin, and losing of appetite, but definitely the pill is doing more than it should be in killing or preventing the cancer cells.

28 Aug, the first time mom is hospitalized since the treatment of her lung cancer two years ago. After that she has more complication in her health condition after taking various medicines, and she starts to have hallucination. Again, I told my sister to stop giving the medicine for the heart pain treatment, but my sister was afraid not to follow the advice from the doctor.

Just barely 3 weeks, mom health has deteriorated significantly, and now she does not even know the way to the toilet which is just beside the master bedroom. Now her mind cannot communicate with her speech,and the thought she wants to express in words. She is losing the sense of direction due to the medication. Sometime she cries, because she has to put so much effort in expressing her thought, and feel helpless because she cannot do many things that she used to do with ease. Luckily, I have two sisters with me to take care of her. We still do not want mom to leave us, and we will help her with all our effort to let her stay with us, and to share her laughter with us.

Mom, please do not be afraid, I am always by your side. Love you always, and get well soon.

Kee Chua

//I do not intend to write a touching story here, it is just a record for things that are happening to mom just in case she is entering the last phase of her life. Everyday to me is a blessing, to be able to see mom, and to give my love to her. Thank Heaven for bringing me home, I know now that the Heaven does not want me to feel the regret for my whole life. //

Related articles:
https://riveroftheheartblog.wordpress.com/2012/08/12/the-portrait-of-my-mom/
https://riveroftheheartblog.wordpress.com/2012/09/01/《向死亡微笑》to-smile-at-death/

6 Responses

  1. Hi ! this is a touchy real story, it doesn’t matter using great word to write, is just like your poem,sweet like a flow of stream.
    And I have saw many life and death, as a filial kid like you, to write a story about serious illness mother, is not a easy work.I remember at once I tried to do up a family’s root video production ,ended up I stopped half way, cause when I saw my deceased parent’s photos, I star to sob and I can’t carry on any more.
    So you gain my respect, you are actually writing something for your mother, your beautiful soul and heaven.

    • Dear Sydney,

      I have one article about my father written half way, and I stopped for some months now, and each word is a drop of my tear. I wanted to write many things about my parents, and one day I shall read my written stories to them when I meet them again in Heaven. This is my wish of life, and I put all my love to my poem and writings, just to remember the people I have loved, and I am loving.

      I talk very often to my mom, observe her carefully, ask her to go with me for a coffee sometime (now she can’t do it anymore, and so I am alone). When she is out with me to shopping, I will walk behind her, and let her to have all the time she need, in buying something. I just love to see her from behind, and by following her.

      It’s great pleasure to have you read and commented on this post, thank you my dear friend.

      kc

  2. You are very strong, Kee. And so are your sisters! I hope your mommy recovers soon and that as per your wishes and desires you are able to share laughter for her as much time as you want! She loves you and listens to you despite!
    With love and my blessings for you and your family,❤
    -Naima.

  3. Feel for you my friend xo

  4. she is blessed to have you as son. i hope she will be well soon and stay with you for years.

  5. So sorry to hear of your mother’s suffering. It is nice you can be with her during this time.

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