《星夜下的歌》The Song Under the Starry night
2016/08/04

River of the heart

《星夜下的歌》The Song Under the Starry night

在母亲妳爱的怀抱里
我像是在宇宙的草原上
永远追逐着
风筝的孩子
以为那夕阳
永不沉落
而当我回首那西边
夜幕降落的天空
才惊觉
那灿烂的晚霞
在燃尽的火焰里
飞到了天上
成了星星
在今夜的星光下
摇曳的树影
荡着我的心
就好像我又再次的躺在了
妳的怀抱里
这一次我不再走远
就静静的坐在妳的身边
和夜的孩子们一起哼着
给妳我最亲爱的母亲
一首思念的歌曲

O Mother in your bosom of Love
I am just a little child
run relentlessly after the kite
in the vast grassland of the universe
pretending the sun
would never set for me
but when I look back to the western sky
where the night veil has just fallen
I just realize
the glowing clouds have burned
into ashes like the ending of flames
rising high up into the night sky
and becoming stars
O this starry night
shadows of trees…

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《梦》A Dream
2013/07/31

《梦》A Dream

大自然用时间轻轻的吹
那困锁在人类千年城堡
和记忆的沙
就回到了她母亲的怀抱
沙儿睁开了眼睛,她说
O 母亲,我做了一个梦

The Mother Nature blows tenderly with time
onto a thousand year human castle, unleashing the Sand
from the cell and her memory from the human history
returning her to the bosom of her mother
the Sand opens her eyes, and she says
O mother, I just had a dream

祈泉
2013年7月31日于新加坡

 

《一封寄往天堂的信》A Letter to Heaven
2013/05/26

《一封寄往天堂的信》A letter to heaven

如果上帝给我
一次窥视天堂的机会
我只想看到你

如果上帝给我
一封可以寄往天堂的信
我只想在上面写,我爱你

If God gives me
a chance to have a glimpse of Heaven
all I want is just to see you

If God gives me
a letter that I can send to Heaven
on it I will only write, I love you

#formyparents

祈泉
2013年5月26日于新加坡

 

《星夜下的歌》The Song Under the Starry night
2012/11/19

《星夜下的歌》The Song Under the Starry night

在母亲妳爱的怀抱里
我像是在宇宙的草原上
永远追逐着
风筝的孩子
以为那夕阳
永不沉落
而当我回首那西边
夜幕降落的天空
才惊觉
那灿烂的晚霞
在燃尽的火焰里
飞到了天上
成了星星
在今夜的星光下
摇曳的树影
荡着我的心
就好像我又再次的躺在了
妳的怀抱里
这一次我不再走远
就静静的坐在妳的身边
和夜的孩子们一起哼着
给妳我最亲爱的母亲
一首思念的歌曲

O Mother in your bosom of Love
I am just a little child
run relentlessly after the kite
in the vast grassland of the universe
pretending the sun
would never set for me
but when I look back to the western sky
where the night veil has just fallen
I just realize
the glowing clouds have burned
into ashes like the ending of flames
rising high up into the night sky
and becoming stars
O this starry night
shadows of trees sway gently
and gently my heart lie calmly
in your bosom of Love
like how it used to be
I am nor running away from you this time
just sitting quietly by your side
together with the children of the night
I hum to you my dearest Mother
a song of Love

// This is a poem for children of the World who are missing their parents dearly

祈泉
2012年11月19日于新加坡
Revised on 2016年8月4日

《母亲的呼唤》A Mother’s Call
2012/10/09

在天边夕阳的归鸟的叫声,
像是来自母亲的呼唤,
于是我停下了旅程的脚步,
向身后的天空最后一撇的晚霞喊道,
母亲,我这就回家。

The crow of birds at the Sunset horizon,
pretended as the call from a Mother,
so I turned back from a journey afar,
to shout at the last glowing red in the sky,
O Mother, here I come.

祈泉
2012年10月9日于新加坡

《我的母亲》My Mother
2012/10/07

Some Words,
is poetic,
like, Love.

Some Words,
stand for greatness
like, Mother.

Some Words,
feel nostalgia,
like, Eternity.

O my Mother, what are the Words,
to paint you in my Heart?

有些文字,
富有诗意,
像,爱。

有些文字,
代表着伟大,
像,母亲。

有些文字,
叫人惆怅,
像,永恒。

可是我的母亲呀,有什么文字,
可以描绘我心中的妳?

祈泉
2012年10月6日于新加坡

Mom, 23 Sep 2012
2012/09/30

Mom is into her third day in the Hospital, and my second night by her side.

Mom is always afraid to be alone, she is afraid of a lot of things in life,and she has the kind of character like a little girl. But she has been very strong throughout the good and bad times in her life. She is born in Borneo in 1936, and the Second World War in Asia erupted in 1937 in China when the massive invasion of the Japanese into China. The war zone extended rapidly to engulf the region in the South East Asia, forcing the British, and the Dutch to abandon their grip too to the peninsular Malaya, Indonesia, and the Borneo Island. Life was not easy as I was told by my Mom. She married my father, who escaped too with his family from the Southern China during the Second World War. According to my father, he came from a wealthy family who own some lands in his hometown in Putian, Fujian province in China. My father was not wealthy at all when he married my mom, it was another hardship in life in a different phase for my mother. She have six kids, and I am the only son. I often wonder, how come mom’s character is still very much like a little girl, even now she is 76. It still remains a mystery to all of my siblings.

Yesterday, Sunday, 22 Sep 2012, was another historical event for me and my family. For the first time in 37 years, all of my siblings were here. It is our love to our mother that has brought us here, at this place at the National University Hospital in Singapore. I took the photo, and I know, after my mom has gone, there will be no such opportunity ever again. Love, is such a magnificent thing. I still feel that mom is like a little girl, and yet, she has six children, and all of them love her so much. I believe that I see enough families, to conclude that my Mom is the luckiest Mom in the World. It remains a mystery to me, that what is the secret for her to become such a successful Mom.

Mom sleeps like a baby on the bed in the ward, but most of the time, she is struggling. I saw the same struggling of my father, when I was staying with him at the same hospital for two weeks. Unlike my Mom, Father has an extremely strong character, but a loving person as well. I cannot keep my eye away, when a life hangs on a cliff, with the gravity of death pulling the soul. I always keep my eye opened, to see how life is struggling at each and every second, and with me, struggling and pulling at the opposite end. So I stayed by my Father’s side day and night, to touch him, and to whisper to him. I wanted him to know, I was always there with him, and even if he was going to Heaven, I make sure that I send all my Love to his soul through my touch, and my whisper. I pulled him up out of the cliff eventually, but he lived on for another three months, without me by his side. Now, I want to do the same thing for my Mom. I wish her to know, like I did for my father, there is always an Angel by her side, waiting them on Earth in love, or flying them to Heaven with love.

It still remains a mystery to me, what a beautiful life just with this simple Love, so ordinary, and yet lasted for an eternity.

Kee Chua
Ward 64, Bed 47, National University Hospital,
Singapore, 4 a.m., 23 Sep 2012.
—————————————————————————

My apology that I have not replied to many comments, at this moment I am just focusing on taking care of my mom, and to find sometime for writing one or two posts.

This post is reedited on 30 Sep 2012, and mom is entering the 9th day of her unconsciousness ( and my 7th night at the hospital), in the medical term, this means that she is almost a hopeless case. But I always believe in miracle to come upon for those who does not give up the effort to save a life.

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Mother, 20 Sep 2012
2012/09/20

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Mom is trapped inside her body.

Several weeks ago, my older sister Mona brought mom for chemotherapy. I did not like the idea, but I know my sister wants mom to stay with us for a little bit longer. Some months ago, one of my aunt also passed away due to the cancer. She had a chemotherapy too, and after that there was no return for the deteriorating of her health. My sister was confident that the same thing would not happen for mom. but it happened. I did not blame her, she is doing her best.

I came back from London, and Amsterdam last november, with the wish that I could stay with Mom for some more years to come. She still could walk and talk without any problem that time, but she has been taking a strong anti cancer pill for more than a year now. The side effects of the pill are drying of skin, and losing of appetite, but definitely the pill is doing more than it should be in killing or preventing the cancer cells.

28 Aug, the first time mom is hospitalized since the treatment of her lung cancer two years ago. After that she has more complication in her health condition after taking various medicines, and she starts to have hallucination. Again, I told my sister to stop giving the medicine for the heart pain treatment, but my sister was afraid not to follow the advice from the doctor.

Just barely 3 weeks, mom health has deteriorated significantly, and now she does not even know the way to the toilet which is just beside the master bedroom. Now her mind cannot communicate with her speech,and the thought she wants to express in words. She is losing the sense of direction due to the medication. Sometime she cries, because she has to put so much effort in expressing her thought, and feel helpless because she cannot do many things that she used to do with ease. Luckily, I have two sisters with me to take care of her. We still do not want mom to leave us, and we will help her with all our effort to let her stay with us, and to share her laughter with us.

Mom, please do not be afraid, I am always by your side. Love you always, and get well soon.

Kee Chua

//I do not intend to write a touching story here, it is just a record for things that are happening to mom just in case she is entering the last phase of her life. Everyday to me is a blessing, to be able to see mom, and to give my love to her. Thank Heaven for bringing me home, I know now that the Heaven does not want me to feel the regret for my whole life. //

Related articles:
https://riveroftheheartblog.wordpress.com/2012/08/12/the-portrait-of-my-mom/
https://riveroftheheartblog.wordpress.com/2012/09/01/《向死亡微笑》to-smile-at-death/

《母爱》A Mother’s Love
2012/08/15

小草以为晨露是太阳,
他喊了一声,
我的母亲。
太阳回应的说,
是的,我的孩子。

The little Grass thought the little dewdrop is the Sun,
and he called her tenderly,
my Mother,
the Sun replied,
yes, my Child.

祈泉
2012年8月14日于新加坡

Dedicated to my Mother.

The Portrait of My Mom
2012/08/12

My mom is 76 now, and she has lung cancer, stage IV. According to the fact sheet, the survival rate is 1% with median survival of 8 months. She first diagnosed with the cancer was about 2 years ago, just barely 7 months after my father passed away because of liver cancer. I was living in London that time, and my world shattered into pieces, and felt the depressed all the time. In the end, I came back to Singapore after being through so many difficulties due to the mental depression. So at home now I can touch her, talk to her face to face, see her smile everyday, and smile to her everyday. There is a price to pay for every decision made in life, and this time, I lost my girlfriend, because she was reluctant to move with me to Singapore.

I do not want to compare which woman is more important in life, because both of them are so important to me in my life, but, one of them is my mom, an old woman, and has terminal illness. I lost my father, and this time, I cannot afford to lose my mom just like I did for my father. This is the most difficult choice I have made in life, and in the end, I bear the name of man of selfishness. May be this is my karma, and I accept it to my heart.

So by living close to my mom, I am delighted to see her everyday, to see the change of her everyday, she has becoming much slimmer, and growing weaker each day, and that is why I need to document her, before she has finally answered to the call of the World, and say yes she will go. Every photo of her is a journey to my heart, and my photography has merged into philosophy, and becoming spiritual part of me.

Now my mom lives with two of my sisters, me, and my younger sister’s boyfriend, we give her our love everyday, so that she will keep ignoring the call of the World, and stay with us as long as she want. She is still able to walk, and smile, and I am just happy to have her each day by my side.

I always love you, my dearest mom.

Kee Chua,
12 Aug 2012, Singapore

References:
http://www.lung-cancer.com/lung-cancer-survival-rate.html
http://www.lung.org/lung-disease/lung-cancer/resources/facts-figures/lung-cancer-fact-sheet.html

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